One of the things I have observed about people through this is that they are perverse when it comes to negative things. More often than not, if one party begins to complain or tell a story about some ordeal they have been through, the response by the listeners is to offer quick sympathy and then attempt to one-up the misery. Age, class, and race seem to have no bearing on this reaction. It's as if there is some sort of status gained by having been through the most pain, physical or otherwise.
It's a form of reverse bragging. While there are cultural taboos in place against actual bragging and bravado, it seems that to show that one has survived or endured personal hells is perfectly acceptable. In a way, we define ourselves by that which has scarred or almost scarred us. It's as if we say "Look what I have been through. Doesn't this make my existence have meaning?"
Is simply enduring an accomplishment?
2 comments:
I don't know if I'd call it bragging (in either direction), but having to go through unpleasant crap is certainly a point on which we can identify with one another. The one-upsmanship probably comes from the fact that the worst stories are usually the more interesting ones. In my case, one big severed leg > 40 gorram tonsils in one day, regardless of which one was actually more stressful.
And honestly, if going through crap doesn't give us some kind of meaning, why would we endure it? It's not really so much a matter of 'enduring' anyway, as suffering doesn't simply pass over us like a cloud. We have to interact, actively making our way to the other side, and in the end we know what we have measured up against.
I think this takes some more introspection on your part, really. I could see how you'd think of it as "bragging" in a subtle way, but really it's the same reason people talk about TV shows or books- it is something that defines them and gets a reaction from others. Usually someone who tells a sob story has had practice, so they know about the level of acceptance and sympathy they will get.
It's not the most honest way of presenting oneself, nor is it the wisest, but if people are gabbing and getting to know each other you find out what people are like just by sharing a story. The story, I think, is irrelevant. It's all part of the social game.
"We must suffer into truth."
Post a Comment