Honesty

I just returned home from my local video game store and have a story to share.

I bought 5 games for Yule (3 for my other half, 2 for myself - couldn't help it) and upon walking to the car discovered that I had only been charged for four.  What did I do?  Turned around, walked back into the store, got back in line and paid for the other game - which, even used, set me back another $40.  The clerk was grateful and more than a bit surprised.

I know that there are quite a few people who would have just gotten in their car and driven away.  So why didn't I?  Foremost, my integrity is worth more than money.  Beyond that however, there is a very good reason.

When you buy a game you are doing more than just killing your social life for the next 40 hours of gameplay.  You are supporting and informing.  With my game purchase I let the retailer and game industry know what kind of games I'd like to see more of.  I said, "Here.  This is worth my hard earned money.  Make more good games and they will be bought."  It's a feedback system.  In our capitalist culture this is the consumers' power.  Now, believe me, I would love to see independent game developers not have to worry about sales and be able to go right on being creative without fear of the masses' approval.  Unfortunately, reality is a bit different.  This is why it is so important for those of us with (I think) decent taste to support the game industry.  Imagine if Psychonauts had been a runaway best selling game.  Mmmm.... more games in that vein.... yummy.

I understand that games are expensive and that it's no fun to be limited by the mainstream.  So here's to all the gamers out there buying unique, obscure, and wonderful games.  Keep it up.

Acronyms

"Just go to http..."

"In 1642 AD..."

"OMG!  Brb, the..."

We are surrounded by acronyms.  Some have received the status of words (laser, scuba) due to their history and longevity; others are quickly taking off in this world of text messaging and Internet usage.

While shopping for a KVM switch (Keyboard/Video/Monitor... or is it Mouse?) yesterday, it struck me how often we use acronyms that we have no idea the meaning of.  Especially in fields with heavy jargon, acronyms have become a way of speaking used so commonly we do not think about it anymore.  During my search for a KVM, out of curiosity, I asked a "Digital Sales Expert" what http stood for.  They had no idea.  (By the way - btw! - it's "hypertext transfer protocol".  Now who can tell, without looking it up, what html stands for?)

I have run into college students across the nation that think AD stands for "After Death" and are completely thrown by the whole B.C.E./C.E. change.  (I heartily approve the effort but in honesty it just seems like a new varnish on the same old piece of furniture.)  All while working on their BA or BS.

And shall I even begin the discussion on chatspeak and textspeak?  Most of it has been said before but let's look at things in a new light.

The entire purpose of language is to facilitate communication.  This is why it irritates me so when people do not enunciate or keep their audience in mind when speaking/writing.  There are times when an academic tone is demanded by the subject matter and times when something more conversational and vernacular is needed (say, in a safety video for a hazardous job that requires a through understanding).  So when do all these acronyms cross the line into miscommunication?It all depends on context.

Is a text message filled with jumbles of letters maiming the language?  If it gets the message across so that it is completely understood, I don't think so.  However, the danger comes when the use of such jargon becomes so commonplace as to displace other communication.  I have held several jobs that require me to work with the public and there have been a number of times I have been asked to 'interpret' a text sent to someone or myself been unable to understand an e-mail sent by a boss two levels up (something I really want to understand!) because of unfamiliar acronyms.  You want me to do what with what?  Is that physically possible?

Leaving such things as atrocious punctuation and garbled spelling promoted by such usage alone, one could interpret all these new acronyms as a good thing - they allow, in most cases, people to say more things quickly and still be understood.  Jargon - the breeder of acronyms - has long shown its use in every field.  From diner lingo to programming to the emergency room, acronyms have their place.  (Stat?)

Just please - keep me in mind when you start using that new piece of lingo in e-mails.

Accomplishment

While playing one of my plethora of videogames, I realized that decent part of my enjoyment in this past-time stems from the sense of accomplishment it gives me. This led me to reminiscing. I realized that while I have heard plenty from the "games are good" camp about them increasing hand-eye coordination and puzzle solving skills (both true), I have heard little about the positive image they can give one's self through accomplishment.

It seems that to be proud of one's abilities is in negative light among some groups nowadays. I have read several cases of honor rolls being disbanded because of one child doing better than another - and that other getting so upset that parents complained. To talk about, or even bring up, an accomplishment, be it physical, intellectual, or a combination is often viewed as arrogant or bragging. Meanwhile, accommodations, and even rewards, are given to those who cannot quite reach the bar. In this atmosphere, is it any wonder that anything that gives a sense of doing something right will bring throngs of business, as videogames have done?

Videogames reward. There are points, unlockables, levels, achievements, things you have to work for. Sure, there are cheat codes, but they are more often for sheer absurd fun - and never quite give the same warm glow that doing it yourself does. While multi-player is the most obvious arena for proving one's skill, single-player games have their merits as well. That sense of reward, of accomplishment, is what drives players to complete 100% of a game, or keep trying that tough level over and over again until they beat it. It's what keeps us coming back - if a game is too easy, I assure you it will not get near as much game time.

Gamers develop patience, creative thinking, coordination, reflexes and more because of this sense of accomplishment. It's like the way children learn at an early age - not because they have to, but because it is fun and because they earn the sense of pride that should come with any accomplishment. This sense of pride is not a bad thing. It is an essential component of our nature, what keeps us striving to be better than ourselves.

I have lost track of the number of gamer goals I have set for myself over the years. More often that not, they are things that have no tangible value but, rather, are connected in my mind with achieving something. However, no tangible value does not mean valueless. Through my gaming, I have learned how to set reasonable goals for myself and learned how to be proud of myself without being obnoxious - after all, no one wants to play with a gloater. I have learned how to budget my time and that, sometimes, the things we want will not come easy - a lesson, I think, that is disappearing.

Ultimately, that is the real value. Pushing yourself and enjoying yourself - it's no coincidence that video games hold much of the same positive traits as sports, martial arts, or difficult crafts and arts. They may be games, and often seen as a "worthless" way to spend time, but their lessons become even more deeply embedded because of the fun in them. Just don't tell the kiddies that the video games are good for them.

Taking this a step further, and a bit away from video games, could attempting to gain a sense of accomplishment not be the reason so many of our youth are embroiled in gangs and other unhealthy behavior? If you are not getting a sense of pride from home or school, would you not seek it elsewhere - somewhere with ranks and trials? All of my literature study suggests that people have an innate need to believe in something, to attach themselves to whatever it is that makes them feel accomplished or virtuous. This applies to religion, to nationalism, to any and all of the revolutionary causes. People get caught up in things larger than themselves because it is so easy to feel small - after all an individual in this world is but one of 6.7 billion (the current guesstimate is 6,707,035,007) and it seems that all that can be done either has been or is being done. It's a daunting thought.

Oh boy, new blog(s)!

I've decided to change things up a bit and create two new blogs.  Musing Quill will remain as the catchall for life observations, random thoughts, and other such goodies.  However, in keeping with my interests, I am also creating The Thoughtful Page for book reviews of my current reads and The Gaming Girl for all things game (video and otherwise) related.

I'm only pulling a couple of posts from Quill to get things started; after that it's all new and (hopefully) interesting.

Enjoy!

Hungry? A short review of Michael Pollan.

I recently finished reading Michael Pollan's newest book, In Defense of Food.  For those who have not read this, or his first book The Omnivore's Dilemma, I heavily recommend both.  American eaters especially need to sit up and take notes - there are numerous eye-openers in both works about our modern food industry, just where our food comes from, how it gets to us, and all the little details that tend to be glossed over at the dinner table.    Beyond just questioning what food is, by the end of both you'll find yourself looking at your full pantry and saying "I don't have any food!"  This realization is not a bad thing.

Pollan realizes that many of his revelations will likely perturb or disturb his readers and does his best to bring a bit of lightheartedness to the situation with his dry wit and humor.  This is not to say that he shies away from saying what we need to hear, however.  Modern foods (or at least food-like products) are an industry, and it is time consumers recognized that.  Our diets and the diets of our children (he didn't bring up cafeteria food but it was certainly on my mind) are being determined by large businesses out for profit, no matter the cost in health to the consumer.  In this, consider Michael Pollan the modern Upton Sinclair.  However, this is not all there is to his works - ultimately everyone is going to bring something different away from these texts.  

The List

For some time, close friends have been asking me for a list of recommended books.  Eventually this will go up on the website; for now, here is a beginning.  It is by no means complete and will be edited periodically.  Series are noted as such.

Must Reads

Daniel Quinn: Ishmael; My Ishmael; Story of B; Beyond Civilization; Story of B; After Dachau

Mark Z. Danielewski: House of Leaves

Heraclitus' Fragments

Mary Shelley: Frankenstein

Alan Moore: Watchmen

Marjane Satrapi: Persepolis (1 & 2)

C.S. Lewis: Screwtape Letters; Mere Christianity; Narnia Series

Should Reads

Shirley Jackson: The Lottery and other Stories

Lynn Truss: Eats, Shoots and Leaves

Frank Herbert: Dune (Series; some by Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson)

Douglas Adams: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Michael Pollan: The Omnivore's Dilemma; In Defense of Food

Noteworthy

Mark Twain: A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court

S.M. Stirling: Dies the Fire (Series)

Robin Hobb: Assassin's Quest (Series); Ship of Magic (Series)

Made the List Reads

Ira Levin: This Perfect Day

Neal Stephenson: Snow Crash

No resets, no editing.

Today's OMW asks what in our life we would 'do-over' if we could.  For once, my reply might be under a minute.  

I would not do anything over.

I have long held that all of our experiences, good and bad, help to shape us into who we are.  I like who I am.  To change anything would be to deny my identity; to deny the self that I have become through the years.  This is not to say that I have a desire to freeze life where it is right now.  I will change and morph in the future, the same as I have for the past 26 years.  Life is a constant flux.  Without every joy and pain, who is to say who I would be?  To wish for a do-over in anything is to give into regret.  Regret is a scary thing to me - a thing that would eat away at the core of my identity.

We can catch only glimmers, through introspection, of what we take away from our experiences.  There are memories that I am sure are major factors in who I am and memories I have forgotten. (Are these memories then?  That's another debate.)  One's identity is a complex thing, difficult to summarize and difficult to ever fully know.  These forgotten memories, I'm sure, have been just as large of factors in my forging as the ones I reflect upon.  Again, we can never be entirely certain of how things have affected us.

So while I may edit my writings and reload a videogame save, I would never re-do anything in my life.  What is the point if this is not all some enormous learning experience?

Stimulation and times of stop

To be honest, I'm not sure where this is going; just a bit of a random thought I had.

Stop and do not smell the roses.

The average member of the first world populace craves stimulation, seeks it.  Never are we supposed to just stop - vacations require more planning than the work we are supposedly getting away from; silence is bothersome (chirping crickets anyone?); cell phones have become all-in-one tools of entertainment and updates; TVs are in every store and restaurant because the idea of just waiting in line and doing nothing else is becoming taboo.

Stop for just a moment.  Stop reading, close your eyes and realize that the world will not end if there are a few moments in which you have no obligations, nothing to do, and no stimulation.

What happened?  Did tension loosen or increase?  Were you able to keep the to do lists out of your head?  Could you, was it possible to, just stop?

There are several potential explanations for this phenomenon.  The environment we live in; a culture that does not allow pure moments of nothingness.  It could be that to do nothing, to stop, is associated with death, creating an intuitive fear.  There is the idea of time as a limited resource; to let seconds and minutes pass with no productivity or even fun in them is seen as waste.

Even in sleep we are not simply stopping.  We are preparing for the next day (doing something, acquiring something - "getting enough sleep"); we are dreaming; the alarm clock is set and it is all planned out.  Appreciate that snooze button - it's about the only sanctioned way to take a moment of no responsibility.

The times between sleeping and not - perhaps these are the times of stop.  The dawn and dusk of wakefulness; when the bed is still warm and the most comfortable; when there is nothing in our minds but the remnents of dreams quickly fading and then nothing.

Or maybe those are merely my times of stop.  Do you have any?

New Layout, OMW, Childhood

So, what's the opinion on the new layout and color scheme?  A bit easier on the eyes?  Also, regular readers, feel free to follow (ack!  alliteration!) so I can know you are out there.

Ok, the OMW for the day is to write about one of our earliest memories.  Here, for your amusement.

I was young enough to still be crawling but old enough to be pulling up on things.  As far as I can tell, we were at some relatives' home - the carpet was a brown-orange and slightly shaggy.  I wanted my daddy but all I could see were shoes and legs.  I could hear talking and happy conversation above my head as I attempted to figure out which set of gigantic feet would lead to my father.  I thought I chose correctly and crawled over to someone sitting in a wooden chair.  I was wrong.  As I pulled up on the knees and looked up, the face I saw had a beard - my daddy did not.  I started bawling and felt embarrassment for probably the first time as the room burst into laughter around me.  After what felt like a significant amount of time, I was handed over to one of my parents.

In retrospect, I'm pretty sure it was my uncle whose lap I ended up in.  I'm sure at the time it was adorable but, just goes to show, you never know what kids will remember.

I wonder at times how much of our identity is shaped by moments like these, most of which we probably do not remember, or remember in a different light than actuality.  

OMW - Scar story

Your own scars can be a scary thing to write about. Each scar is a story, and, more importantly, a moment of vulnerability. Telling the story of a scar is, in a way, reopening that vulnerability. Especially in a public format, like a blog, to tell a scar story is to say "Here, this is part of who I am. Judge or not, as you will."

Most of my scars come from a period in time about five years ago when I was dealing with BPD - Borderline Personality Disorder. Though I have recovered (and that's another story!), I still carry the almost-shame of that time. In moments of introspection I realize that I wouldn't change anything; that time of hitting bottom helped me realize myself and define who I am. I like who I am. So, why the fear? Is the need for acceptance so ingrained that to voluntarily jeopardize it will always hold a tinge of 'wrong'?

The strongest people are those who can show weakness. This paradox is well worth remembering as we are asked to tell our scar stories. Can you laugh at yourself? Can you face where you have been and say: "What a time. It broke me. It defined me. I'm better for it."?